Day 340: Up .7kg

Well I guess that shows the variation you would expect. You can't really lose 2.4kg in a week.

It is quite frustrating, the process of trying to lose weight. Really you are attempting to undo the damage you've caused to your body in the past. If you go through a period doing this, trying to be really healthy, then over time it becomes a great mystery as to how the hell you allowed yourself to get, let's face it, so fat in the first place.

It is just not a sane thing for a person to allow, over time.

You wonder what was going through your head, week by week, month by month, year by year, as you allowed yourself to put that weight on - as you transformed from a 23 year old lean, fit guy into a middle aged slob, in say a relatively short period of 10 or 15 years.

Of course, it has to do with lifestyle. A routine of destructive behaviour. Regular binging and eating pub food can lead to it. But so can more subtle drinking, either under the guise of sophistication, or just a daily or weekly routine, that adds up the calories, attacks your fitness, and encourages drunk or hungover food choices that only lead to you going in the one direction.

That still doesn't explain why you let it happen. Ignorance is the usual answer. Your focus is elsewhere - perhaps on the lifestyle (mates, shiny new suit and city drinks), perhaps on other problems. But not on the scales. No charts are kept. No heads are shaken as you notice you have gone up 10kg in 12 months.

How could they, unless you were a nutjob. Nobody would sit back and watch that happen and not do anything about it.

In effect you have your head in the sand. Which is what has happened to me over much of my adult life I think.

Not that it is easy to go down if your head isn't in the sand. God knows there have been periods in which I have been trying but not progressing. But it is hard to go backwards if you are watching. You adjust your behavior enough to ensure that doesn't happen.

So where does this leave me. Frustrated I found myself in this position. That I let myself get into this position. I have some recent success it's true. But it is such a long slog, the old body reset after so much abuse really. Years, for me, as it turns out.

And the first year is almost over. 25 days left by the looks of it.

Will I make the 25kg? I thought so yesterday. Not so sure today. It's very hard keeping up a loss of over a kilo a week. I find it hard, anyway. I think if you average 1/2 a kilo over an extended period you are doing extremely well.

I'm up early again today. At about 4.30. I should trudge off around Mt Cootha again, back to where I began, almost 12 months ago. Except it is now by myself, and I'm 20kg lighter.