Day 236: Mothers

My mother shits me sometimes. Of course, I love her, as sons should, but she can be a very annoying, selfish cow when she wants to be, like all mothers.

It's really been a miracle how much time I've been able to spend with her exercising these past 12 months. I think it has surprised us both.

She can be an extremely judgmental woman, and she is as subtle as a ton of bricks.

Like the time I got published in an international book. It was published in all the major English speaking countries, and is due to be translated into other major languages as well. It is a well known series, you would know it, and I did 33 entries and was the only person from Australia to do so.

You'd think you'd be able to be a little proud about that, wouldn't you? And so I announced one day that I was pleased to actually see the fucking book in a bookstore, and showed my brother a picture from my phone. My brother thought it was great. My mother said coldly, "That's not your book".

In her eyes I was a fraud because I hadn't written the whole thing. Where was my real book?

Isn't that shithouse?

I remember being 18 and bringing home my girlfriend. She was slim, fun, sexy, smart and leggy and I was madly in love with her. She left, and again my mother (who was only 42 it turns out) said to me, "Oh she's not very pretty is she".

Fucking bitch!

Even as recently as about 5 years ago, I took a girl home for a family dinner and mum commented afterwoods, "She's not very bright, is she. That will show up in the children".

How do you please a cow like this. Not that you should want to.

She has commented on others. Too fat. Too old. Too ugly. Too stupid. You name it. The bitch has it in for them.

As I said, it's a bit of a miracle that I've been able to spend so much time with her this last year.

Family can often only be taken in small doses.

Anyway, on the health front, I just did the 2 hour walk. With my mother. I was saying how well we were doing keeping the house clean, and we were making a real effort. Rather than just saying yes it looks good, and moving on, the bitch had to say yes she got upset when it was messy etc etc ie normally it looks like shit.

Now I'm not particually sensitive but this woman lived in a dire fucking shithole of a house for about 15 years before she reno'd the kitchen. So I reminded her of this. She denied it, which really shit me, and so I pointed out that this was the reason people didn't like to visit her for so long ie her house was a shithole.

She then went into a sulk and that was that.

I don't think I'll be going for a swim with her this afternoon.

Swim

Well, great news, I went for a fucking swim for the first time in about 7 years.

One step towards the triathlon!

Went off to the local uni, ignored the fact everyone else was 22 and gorgeous, jumped in a lane, and saw if I could still swim.

Seems like I can. Slowly but surely, I swam 1k. 20 laps that is, of a 50 metre pool.

Exhilarating. Very fucking proud of myself. On a bit of a high I made enquiries at the front desk (manned by a skeptical 19 year old) about an oldies squad. He said the slowest lane was about 1.05 or 1.10 per 50, so I'll have to time myself in a few sets to see how I go.

I even saw a band aid in the water, floating around with a few hairs on it for the amusement of all.

Some things never change.

Day 235: Beautiful day

Well it's a stunning day out there now, after weeks of rain. As it should be, on my holidays....

Didn't go for my walk this morning. I was up last night taking advantage of my holiday status watching the old series "Rome", and didn't want my terminator mother turning up at 6.00am.

I now have a pair of togs though, and if today goes to plan I will go for a swim this afternoon for the first time in many years.

I woke up feeling lighter today, I think partially because I am three days into the exercise but mainly because we had our substantial meal yesterday at lunch time, and had a very light dinner.

I think all those European countries that do the same are really on to something. No, not you England.

The tough bit is working out what to do at work......

We have a new kitten, and for the last couple of weeks I have been a prisoner in my own home for fear of it getting out into the real world. Today is so stunning I refuse to have the doors closed, and the kitten is in the bathroom. My reward is a non-stop, mind bending series of meows that are driving me absolutely fucking insane. How can something squawk non-fucking stop for hours. Don't they get fucking tired?

I'd put the stupid thing on a lead but it would probably hang itself.

Day 234: Third time the charm

Well, did the 2 hour walk again today, for the third day in the row. That's the sort of thing I need to keep up to do my big weight loss surge (as the Yanks would say).

Cooked the salmon last night. In a curry. And some dal. It was crap, unfortunately.

I think I just don't like salmon.

My super mother has been nagging me to go swimming with her. As in, in a pool. I used to be a good swimmer, in my glory days. Trained with Kerin Perkins when he was a lad, and went on to swim at high school and all the rest.

So it is something I could try and get back into.

In fact, I've been thinking that my real goal through all this health business is not so much to feel better, lose the weight and so on, but to do a triathlon. As I said, I can swim, if I got leaner and meaner I could ride a bike pretty well, and similarly if I got leaner I could run ok.

So that's my longer term goal.

But the next stage, for me, is to grind off some more weight. First I want to get back to the 15kg (how did I lose that exactly?), then 20, then 25. So basically I want to lose another 10kg (from the 15, which I'm close to).

Want to be smarter with my diet to do that this time, which is why I'm investigating things like salmon curry and the rest.

Got people coming for lunch today. Cooking some pasta and lamb.

Day 233: DIet

Ok, went for another walk this morning - almost 2 hours around the hill. Determined to knock off the kilos this year. I have two weeks off now, so the plan is to discover some tasty dishes to help me do it.

Things I want to eat more of are veges and fish. So I certainly want to look into salmon dishes and vege curries.

Funny the weight fell off for the first 13kg or so, now it isn't going anywhere.

My girlfriend's father gave me a 6 pack for Christmas. Thanks pop!

Interesting on my walk this morning, when I was planning the year out, and the things I want to do/weight I want to lose/fitness I want to gain, grog just didn't really fit in. If I really want to ramp up the fitness over the next 12 months, and look like a lean mean fitness machine at the end of it, then why would I get back on the turps.

Nobody, I mean nobody, would recommend going ON the turps to increase fitness/weight loss/to look better.

So that's really something to think about as the YEAR OFF THE GROG rolls on.

Day 232: Walk

Rather than be hung over today I instead walked off in the rain with my mother and ended up splashing around in a newly formed waterfall in the bush. Beautiful! I'm very lucky to be able to do this in the middle of the city.

Beats the fuck out of hungover.

Going to try and do some swimming this week, as well as the walking.

Was famished when I came in from my walk/swim. There was fuck all about so I made a beautiful fried bread and tomato salad with parsley and balsamic vinegar.

Day 231: Down on drinkers

I guess it was bound to happen. But here it is anyway, breathtaking in its hypocrisy: drinkers shit me. I'm talking about drinkers who get drunk: drunk people shit me. They aren't cool. They aren't suave. They aren't even very fucking social, being so distracted with their drinking at all.

They just shit me.

One thing they aren't is witty. They think they are. They also aren't charming. They aren't attractive. They are boring. They are slow. They are annoying. They are irritating.

They shit me to tears.

What this means of course, which is a very horrible conclusion for me, is that I've been a drunken, disgraceful bore of the worst kind for close to 20 years. Drinking with a consequence of getting drunk, even if that wasn't the goal, and harassing people to get drunk with me, with raucous drunken laughter (reinforcing my wit, in my mind), no doubt spitting in peoples faces as I spoke (drunks do this), cracking beer after beer, wine after wine, saying how great my mates were (we had a special relationship you see) when I was younger, and pretending great sophistication and discernment as my age (and relative) wealth increased. Getting pissed either way. And encouraging others to do the same.

Every single fucking week. For at least 15 years.

Every. Single. Fucking. Week.

How many hours have I spent this way I wonder. How many women may I have bedded but instead repulsed? How many days did I spend in a hung over stupor instead of enjoying my fleeting twenties (now gone) or the first half of my thirties (on its way)?

How much cash did I spend? I could have had a flash pad in my 20s (see bedding beautiful women point, above). I could have bought a home earlier.

And don't get me wrong, like you, dear reader: I was not an alco. Not by Australian standards anyway. If I was an alco then let me tell you 85% of adults in this country were. Or perhaps 60%, as I did show some enthusiasm that more moderate drinkers do not.

But I guess, to my horror, that I used to shit people as well. People other than fellow piss heads. You might consider everyone to be a piss head. Yes, well that may be true. But not everyone drinks as much as you. You are shitting them. Including that cute sober girl in the corner, Claire.

It makes me a bit sick, to be honest, thinking about time and opportunities wasted. Why spend your life drunk, illogical and offensive; all the time damaging your health, getting fatter and sicker. Such a waste.

Day 230: A sober Christmas

Well, I guess today will be my first Christmas without a drink in 20 years. I've probably been slipping in a glass or two since I was 16, so that's 20 years. Shit!!

Not sure if that's a good thing or not. Certainly my grandmother would not think it's a good thing. Nor my uncle. My mother would, but she is like that.

Day 226: Good walk food ok

Did 2 walks today. One around Cootha myself. One around the river.

Food was ok. Cooked a moroccan sweet potato dish for tea, and also roasted another eggplant.

Fucking knackered though. Bit funny from the 3.5 hours of walking.

Day 225: Walk and food ok

Had to go into work early this morning so went for a walk for an hour. Gorgeous. Why wouldn't you want to go?

Ate lots of fruit but had a poor lunch (food court).

I need to avoid the food court!!!!!!

Dinner was good. Basil and (fresh) tomato pasta, not from a jar thanks very much, followed by a baked eggplant.

Just need to improve the lunch.

Day 223: BFW (Big Fucking Walk)

Three cheers for me. Did the excellent long walk around the hill this morning with a mate.

Can't put a foot wrong after that. Plus the added joy of knowing that I would not have done it if I had gotten on the piss last night.

Day 222: Bad day and party observations

Well, had a bit of a mental spac out today, and ate poorly. I don't know why that was. I think that you have cycles, well some of us do, with our brains, and sometimes you hit a low point, and that can lead to poor food choices.

And today I made them.

On a brighter note, I attended a Christmas function tonight and didn't even think of drinking. Every other bastard was onto it though. Most of us think we are pretty good people watchers, but Jesus, trying being sober at a function like that. You see them all.

The old bastards, who think they are powerful because they are high up/own the place. These guys are just sad deluded fuckers who are really losers but have a pathetic aura in their company that doesn't save them elsewhere. They either get pissed and are obnoxious, or don't get pissed and are boring and superior.

The good bloke party guy. The one who shouts you beers. Thinks he is a good bloke so he will get the chicks. He won't. He might even be a big drinker. A pisshead. Thinks getting shitfaced will let him have a good time. It will, to a point. But his health will deteriorate, he may be overweight or on his way, he is everyone's mate but really pretty alone when push comes to shove. Also sad fuckers, in the end.

The boring turds. They don't look good. Their stories suck. They trap you, when you are trying to talk to the attractive or interesting people. You want them to die rather than keep talking.

The hot pissed girls. Everyone wants them. They look great. It doesn't matter if their stories are interesting, you are engrossed by their very existence. They laugh and they flirt and of course then end up going home with the hottest guys in the room.

The average guys. They get bought beers by the good blokes. They tell boring stories and laugh at the bosses jokes. They have ugly girlfriends. They get pissed by the end but not as pissed as the others.

The stylish guy who sits on his drink. Buff. Well dressed. Lets the average buffoons get more and more pissed while he keeps his cool and eyes off the hot pissed girls. Eventually, they come to him while Mr Average and Mr Goodbloke go home pissed via the pizza slice or kebab shop.

And so on. You get the idea. Party time. Excellent. Coronas (boo). House whites (boo). Vodka. Shots. Witching hour. Drunken messes. Fights for cabs. Home pissed, with the hot chick if you're exceptional, with your own drunken self if you are not.

That's what I saw. And I wasn't tempted. Except by the hot chicks.

Day 221: Walk again

Well no walk wed, and ate poorly, but did a walk this morning. Hope to ramp up to a daily exercise. Funny spoke with brewery rep on weekend who has promised to send me lots of free product.

Wheeee.

Day 219: Walk

Well, did a short Cootha walk with mum this morning. Beautiful weather. Felt great. Inspired to get cracking.

Day 215: Post 2 of 2

Found this old post celebrating the 15kg loss: http://yearoffthegrog.blogspot.com/2010/09/day-133-154kg-in-19-weeks-19k.html

That was 12 weeks ago. I think the biggest retard in the world can lose half a kilo a week, especially off the piss.

So it is very disappointing that I didn't keep plugging away losing another say 5kg over that time. That would have me at 20kg instead of 13.5kg. 6.5kg difference .

Hopeless! That's the problem when you don't go in the right direction, or, worse, go in the wrong direction. Time passes, that is the one sure thing, and if you gain rather than the lose then the "sliding door" difference between one behaviour and another means a lot in terms of weight at the other end.

The main thing with weight loss is awareness. I think there are many many ways to move in the right direction. Low this, low that, exercise this, drink that. My theory is that if you make an effort - almost any effort - and measure then you will move in the right direction. And if you move in the right direction, with the passing of time then you will get to where you want to go.

Bit like doing a long walk one step at a time.

It is when you stop measuring that it all turns to shit. Nobody willingly looks at the scales every week and says, "Ripper, I'm up another kilo, that's 3 in the last month, best keep it up". Nope, more likely you subconsciously know things aren't going so well, or foolishly think things are, and put your head in the sand for a while and discover the movement to your horror when you hop back on the damn scales.

So what does this mean for me? Measure weekly. Keep it front of mind. Move in the right direction. Wait for time to pass.

Fat

Well, I jumped on the scales even though I had intended to wait till Monday.

Not great. Probably down to 13.5kg loss rather than the 15 I had at one stage and 14 I had a few weeks ago.

MOVING IN THE WRONG DIRECTION!!!!!

Strange it was so easy at the start. It just fell off. But this 15kg barrier seems to have fucked with my mind or something.

Anyway, official weigh in will be Monday. I want to be losing about a kilo a week. Once again, I need to do things incrementally I think in the following order:

1) no piss.
2) exercise every day;
3) cut out all shit;
4) eat real food; and
5) don't be greedy.

First goal is to get back to 15kg. Then 20.

Day 214: Walk

Well, dragged my fat ass around for an hour after work yesterday by myself which was good. Getting back into the swing of things. Want to keep up the daily walking, if possible, and then do Cootha again on the weekend and get into the morning routine after this.

Food wise yesterday I was good right up until 7.00 when I raided the biscuit jar at work. Arrrrrrrrrrr.

Sounds stupid but I've been getting compliments left right and centre (as my dad would say) about my holiday beard at work so I'm going to experiment with keeping it. "A younger, better model" was a comment from one young lady so I can go with that.

Not to skite but the accounting guy - who I generally loathe - said I was looking slimmer. So he is now in my good books.

I feel as though I'm in a pretty good space for it all. I've really just got to get the diet nailed during the weeks. Sometime really simple every night, that satisfies intellectually and physically. I can cook but I think it is more being organised, and having a clean kitchen. At the moment everything is all over the shop with us getting back from the trip and the bathroom getting done (still not fucking done). Came home late last night do a nightmare kitchen and there was just no way I was going to spend 30 minutes or more trying to cook up a storm. We just half cleaned the kitchen and had toasted sandwiches.

I think I need to cook something I can freeze for so-called emergencies when I can't be arsed cooking anything else.

Anyway, back on the scales on Monday, that will focus my mind.

Day 213: Food

Well, haven't walked since I've been back. Diet has been a bit chaotic too.

I've been thinking about what approach I should take with my diet. I've been eating a lot of Italian in the last year or so. I like Italian food because it uses real ingredients, and treats them simply. It has to be a good thing, in my mind, to eat an eggplant, or some lamb or some tomatoes. They tend to be made tasty using salt and olive oil.

One option is to move more in the Asian direction. I have been there before. There was a time I only really cooked Asian. I was thinner then, which is my goal at the moment. Unlike Italian though, I see a lot of Asian cooking as flavouring rice with bits and pieces. So in the end the meal really is the rice, whereas with Italian the meal is the ingredient.

Taking the "you are what you eat" approach to things, I think I'd rather be an eggplant than some polished rice.

Rather than being driven by cuisine though, I really should be driven by ingredients. I should really be thinking, what is it I would like to eat this week, and then use simple techniques drawing from whatever cultures I can to make those ingredients palatable.

Take salmon for instance. Not a big fan. But if I've learned anything in this journey, it is that you can change habits. I would like to eat it twice a week. It could be grilled with a herbs and oil in the Italian fashion. It could have a side sauce used by the French. It could be made into an Indian curry. Or it could be in a vietnamese soup.

I think my week would be more interesting if I nailed a couple of these dishes and cooked them pretty well every week. Repetition is fine by my book. I could sleep with the same hot chick of my dreams once a week. Same with food. I just need to find the hot chick, sorry, the recipe and ingredients, that do it for me.

So if I were picking things I'd like to eat once a week they would be salmon twice, eggplant, cabbage, broccoli and cauliflower. The other day could have a meat dish. Tomatoes could also be in there somewhere, simmered in olive oil.

Just need to get experimenting and sourcing.

Day 211: Back at work

Well, back into the salt mines. What a long fucking day.

I'm going to spend this week just trying to get back into the routine. Cooked nice vege stir fry.

I'm fucking exhausted. Travel really takes it out of you.

Got someone at work who said she had my card for years as her husband worked for a brewery and she wanted to talk to me. He'll be at the XMas party this Friday and we'll be able to talk about piss together all night. Wheeep.

So goals for this week are getting the food back on track (no shit) and getting back into my daily walk.

Day 209: Carpet

Ah, fucking bath leaked and now the carpet is wet in my flash apartment in Queenstown, on my second last day here.

Just what I fucking need.

DAY 208: Part II Winery

Well, I'm a sucker for temptation that's for sure. Just did a winery tour, complete with a tasting, in the fucking cellar. That's right, in the cellar, in the mountain, in the most awarded winery in New Zealand.

The smell hits you as soon as you walk in. Then wine by wine, they put a glass in my hand, the smell of which I inhaled like a starving man, and which reminded me, to my very core, of all the good wonderful things to be done with alcohol.

Did I tell you I really like alcohol? I really really like it. I appreciate it. I evangalise it. I seek it out, think about it, write about it, encourage others to bask in its wonder.

But not this time. I had to hand the glass to my girlfriend, who was grinning like a Cheshire Cat, and had 8 glasses in the cellar instead of 4.

She was on top of the world by the end of it. I was almost out of my mind.

My advice is not to do things like that.

Day 208: Next steps

Well, I've only got a couple of days more in NZ.

I've been thinking about things, and really want to ramp it up when I get home. Focus on results weight wise, rather than being fit for Milford.

So on my friend the scales on Monday morning. I'll keep the Cootha routine. I think it's a good one. It's just what next after that.

I might dump the backpack though. I don't think it's good for your back.

I've been refreshed a bit over here. I'm going to try and improve myself in a number of ways when I get back. At work. With health. Try and use this grog free time to really get some results professionally and personally.

I've only got 22 weeks left in this 'Year off the grog'.

Comment

See Claire at http://nomorepissingaround.blogspot.com/2010/11/alcohol-is-not-my-friend.html

And my comment:

Grogger said...
Ah my friend, my non-drinking mentor who in truth inspired my year off the piss, my fellow drinker. The battle between good and evil. The battle between being social, bonding with fellow humans, participating in the rituals of society, letting one's hair down, engaging in debauchery, or just enjoying a drink.... and the negatives that come with it (including depression, weight gain, addiction and time theft).

I guess I have the non-drinking perspective now. You are slowly losing yours. The Year Off The Piss will become a blip for you. A dim memory. The perspective, slowly but surely, will be lost, and replaced with a drinking routine that has every chance of ramping over the next 12 months to exactly what it was. Alcohol is like that. It just seems so so good. Why not just one. And if you can have one, why not another, especially if you are having the time of your life. It wouldn't be fair not to. In fact, it would be rude and anti-social not to.

It is interesting you felt flat after two wines one day and was able to push through with a run the next. I found as I got older (35 now) that even small amounts of alcohol made me feel flat the next day. Larger amounts more so.

I think you hit the nail on the head in your blog post where you identified that being off the piss allowed you to focus on larger things. It did not distract you with the routine of being pissed, hung over, depressed or whatnot. You had some clarity.

There aren't any right answers here. No correct behaviour. It is just how you want to spend your time on the planet before it ends, or before you get so old as to not enjoy it as much. Much pleasure can be found in either route, and it is deeply personal.
December 1, 2010 11:19 AM

Day 207: Walked Milford Track

Well I walked the Milford Track again with my olds and cousin. 53k including 1 mountain.

It was much easier than last year, which I put down to my increased fitness and weight loss since giving up the piss and training every week around the bloody mountain.

So great outcome.

Yes I did feel like a beer at the pub at the end. But no, I didn't have one.

So where to from here? Well, I'm relaxing now still in Queenstown, recovering, and will be back in Oz on Sunday. I think from there I weigh myself and get serious about dropping a kg a week on an ongoing basis until I'm happy.

I want to keep up the mountain routine. And perhaps add some more exercise as well. I'm thinking perhaps weights and swimming.

It was good on the track to not be in pain cardio or legs wise. That's the benefit of fitness. I can only imagine what it would be like if I dropped a shitload more weight.